The thank you.

The midsummer dream...
It was very fine to have you there. I was very happy, I'm glad to see ya. Though i know, there's no purpose, but somewhat that happy feeling gone out from nowhere when i don't even know its still exist. Gumawo.

I do, feeling very terrible when i did something wrong, or maybe, it didn't completely gone wrong, but i felt like it left with unpleasant end. So i used to decide, to leave my 'left over' with everything that can be seen beautiful.

I thank, many people for their good habit or good deeds. Be it done to me, or to others. I used to thank them. Most of the time, i didn't tell them with my well said words, but i do, feel very grateful. "It was nice to have you there"~"I'm glad that you did that"~"thank you"
These words are all well said.
So don't feel that terrible.
I don't thank only those who are special to me, to my heart.
I used to, thank people around me, though its hard sometimes. It is hard the most, when i do like or admire him or her.

Just thanks, for another smile that i am allowed to creates. Not especially by him or from him. I also thank you, for being apart of my life.

First semester in Uni life

Its 1.55 a.m now...
I just published my past things, adding labels so that I can easily recognize them.

My first final exam, seminar 1 is not very far, it's near, I can say about 4 days ahead.

It's tough here, yeah I admit that. In this world, it's tough here..

I started to blame myself, again. For choosing this course, why would I???? Why did I so TAMAK ?? This course may bring me straightly to the hellfire ! On top of those, I'm chasing THE WEALTH..

its 2 a.m already, i have a lot of things to say, but i don't have the time. Let me, myself learn to gasp within the un-breathe-able atmosphere...may be someday, I LL found the way.

Troublesome family

Dear family,
Kta punya situasi yg parah disini.
Parah sungguh sampaikan tiada siapa pun blh lasi btul.
Kota sukak salahkan sesama sendiri, selalu x matang dlm mendepani apapun jenis cubaan, selalu memandang rendah ketentuan tuhan, suka mengeluh dn berasa keluh kesah...ini sering. Selalu sangat terjadi. Really really love to THROW THOSE SHIT AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.

mau cth ---->
1. Kami lambat bangun SBB keperluan tidur kami lebih panjang banding mak bapa yg sdh tua ! Tapi sebab tu pun perlu dimarah. I just don't get it knp kemarahan satu kemestian arh ?? 1 more thing....eleh klu kami bgn awal pun mo buat apa? Belajar?? Bukannya masih skola pun !! Buat kerja rumah?? Kasi bersih rumah ???! Eleh...macamla kna bagi..ruma kita ni kn byk pantang larang..itu ini la x blh. Hapeh !

2. Aku lewat solat hari ni... CRITANYA aku mo kailulah so ttdur la d bilik kak ika sblm zohor, ktanya aku turun masa jm 2 TAPI AQ X SEDAR PON !!  Bukan dorang x maklum pun aku ni mmg mengigau n pandai tidur bejalan, n for that, AKU KENA MARAH !
"Malam tu kan utk tidur jadi gunakanlah sebaiknya," bodohmu la bawak mati ! Mcm la ko tu perfect sangat. So what la klu aku x blh tidur malam ?? So what la klu aku slalu lapar tgh mln ?? N u used to..wanna blame me utk insomnia yg bkn slalu dtg ! Hapeh ! Bwak mati la sgala kedunguan !

3. Mak kata x pilih kasih ???? Eleh...iyaa sgt lah tu. Merepekla sana !! Dulu kak ika balek ruma baru ada makanan sedap.
Bab becakap pulak klu dgn abg zaki lembut jak..ngan kmi anak hujung ni macam mau begaduh jak !
Kata kak kia alasan mamak tu "zaki jak satu2nya anak mak yg x pernah wat mak nangis" msa di melaka hri tu.
NOW WHAT ??? SHE'S BLAMING ME 4 WHAT I DID ??? ooo.....so aku ni pernah wat mak nangis la ? Bla tu arh..??? Knp ndak bgitau ?? Cakap depan2 ka..??? Tegur dgn cara yg terbaik. Oh lupa.pulak kn..mamak tu mnada blajar psikologi pulak kn~ hapeh !

4. Bapa ni lagi klu suruh cari brg terus kecoh. Remember that day dad...??? When utold kak ika suru cri u punya brg dlm kreta. That time dia x jmpa ur brg then dgn selambanya u ckp,  "bapa ingat ni zaki sja yg lembap cari brg, rupanya keturunan ya *plus mengeluh n never thank kak ika pun !*"
U said pasal keturunan ??? Jadi kami ni dari air mani siapa?? Jin ka binatang??? Huh...harimau kali ya..tu la pasal semua pemarah. Bg zaki tu jk la yg pegang ranking penyabar. (Thank Allah 4 that)

The deaf n silent side

Teringat dulu masa aku mula2 jejak kaki ke tanah baru. Kita akhirnya berjumpa lagi, sejujurnya dari hati..sungguh aku bahagia. X taw knp, tapi aku slalu bahagia bila terlihat muka mu..adedeh..baru ku tau rapuh juga hati ni rupanya. . . . Sedangkan aku Seingat aku, kau lah orang pertama yg buatkan hati ku tetiba bergetar rasanya, nafas ku seakan terhenti...dlm hati, hya Allah yg tau betapa aku benci diri sendiri sbb perasaan tu...
Kita mmg xda kaitan, aku pun x tau knp aku slalu teringat dekat kau..aku slalu doa, klu btullah kau jodoh ku, aku minta Allah tlg hold dlu..my obligation cuma terlalu byk utk disempurnakan..
Knp aku selalu teringat dkat kau arh..??
It made me hate myself too much, aku pernah x khusyuk solat sebab kau. Aku pernah rindu kau sesungguhnya, pernah tersenyum sendiri sebab kau, becakap sendiri sbb kau pun mungkin pernah tau...
Tapikan...aku geram sungguh dengan hati ku tau..lelaki yang ku dambakan seorang yg hensem n bergaya, taat mak bapa, sempurna solat, berharta dan berilmu..tapi kau?? Bab ilmu dan solat tu aku nampak sangat kurang,, sedangkan itu la yg pandu bahtera hingga ke syurga. Hurm...payah sggh masalah hati tau...
Tapi aku dengar kau mau kawin sudah. Pernah dengar kata2 ni, "Why should I being too jealous when you are not even mine?? " ni la yg aku rasa...mungkin aku terpanah dengan senyuman n matamu.. selalu buatkan hati ku terkena sakit rindu, selalu tiap kali lepas kita bertemu, sakitnya makin parah..membarah..
Banyak kali aku ckp dengan diri sendiri yg KAU MEMANG BUKAN UNTUKKU. Tapi aku lemah, setiap kali lepas jumpa kau aku mesti jatuh lagi..aku suka tengok kau alihkan pandangan lepas nampak aku, aku suka dengar kau tertawa, LEPAS tu..aku geram dgn diriku yg selalu teringatkn kau..
Kau mo kawen sdh kn?? Ya aku pun ada dgr...alhamdulillah, maksudnya kita memang bkn  berjodoh pasangan...
Alhamdulillah, selamat tinggal. Saya bahagia.
Majukan diri, si dia nanti mesti boleh sokong kau punya ! Majukan diri, semoga kemajuanmu juga memajukan agama kita !
Kau perlukan seorang yang baik, aurat sempurna, agama lagilah sempurna, cooker yg baik dan anak yang taat..Pasangan yang sekufu dan yang selayaknya untuk kau.
Salam,

Damn it

Fucking sucks ! Urrgh...it such a tiring day today. I hate it that I don't think I deserve to breath calmly...
Reminding myself about you was a sin..even knowing you it feels like I was committing a very big sin and unforgiveable.

Hah ! I heard that you'll go..you'll go away and far, far far away from me. I admit it was hard at first . But surely will be amongst the best story I've had.

Clarity is a song from me to you. Have a pleasant day ahead..I beg you to go away.

Taken

Teruknya saya....mengharap org yg sememangnya bkn ytk diri sendiri. Tapi hati ni degil sgt,, terbuai dgn kasih palsu ini..saya x yakin pon dtg nya dr Allah sbb dia slalu muncul dlm solat saya..sering kali saya menangisi diri yg lemah..mengingati org yg x selayaknya, seorang ajnabi yg lemah (saya juga berdoa semoga dia menjadi lelaki yg lebih baik) Disaat Allah sepatutnya yg ada dlm hati saya.

Dia sememangnya x cantik. Setahu aku, solatnya juga selalu dilalaikan. Dia merokok, dia playboy,
Dia mmg sweet dan taat pada mak,, hakikatnya seorang anak mami.Bertanggungjawab utk kehidupan yg berkaitan dgn dunia, juga seorang ketua..tapi aku risau, dirinya dan org dipimpinnya tidak melekat kpd agama ini.

Just what's wrong with me???!

Ya Allah.. Sandarkan cintaku pada org yg mencintaiMu ya Allah~~

Need to, but can't.. (sleep)

Its a good time to sleep..but dun know y,
I dun know what to do and it seems super boring..
Ndak to la knp..babai